推特話題《我和老婆因為掃墓結緣》掃墓不稀奇後面才是真正超展開⊙Д⊙

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小狄 2019.06.12

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圖片來自：elitedaily.com

這世界上人與人間如何相遇或是相戀的故事千奇百怪，有些順理成章，也有一些極為巧合的機緣促成。最近推特上一位ID「Sixthformpoet」的推友發表了三個精彩非凡的故事，這些故事讓我們看到緣分是多麼巧妙，也展現了人類美好的一面。雖然作者本人堅稱這些都是真人真事，但這內容太光明讓我有點半信半疑......當然，如果都是真的，那只能說太好了，這個世界上永遠都還有好人存在，更棒的是他們會把他們的下一代也都教育成體貼的好人，以及，現實總是比小說更瘋狂，緣分永遠在你想不到的時候降臨......

原汁原味的內容在這裡

推特ID「Sixthformpoet」的推友，在推特上分享了三個動人的故事

推測應該是個英國人。在自我介紹攔，他寫著：買我的書，我欠人錢。恩......其實他的這本詩集是7年前出版的，所以不見得跟現在分享的這些故事有關

圖片來自：twitter.com/sixthformpoet／amazon.co.uk

雖說我翻譯得不怎樣，但這是一個很棒的故事，我還是希望有更多人可以讀到他們。

這些故事分別是關於愛、同情心、與緣份（或是幽默感）

「早安，接下來跟大家分享一件完全是真人真事的荒謬故事，分成三部分，一個部份10條推，你可能會想 a)先來杯濃烈的咖啡或 b)忽略我」

Hello, good morning. A ridiculous but ENTIRELY TRUE story coming up, told in three parts. Ten tweets per part so you might want to a) make a strong coffee, or b) ignore me
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

一.

「我爸過世了，這完全就是一個笑話的經典開頭，他葬在Sussex的一個小村莊裡，我爸生前我跟他非常親近，所以我常常去掃墓，到現在還是如此（別擔心，接下來就越來越好笑了）」

ONE

My dad died. Classic start to a funny story. He was buried in a small village in Sussex. I was really close to my dad so I visited his grave a lot. I still do. [DON’T WORRY, IT GETS FUNNIER.]
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「我總是帶著花去，我媽也是，還有當時我祖父母也還在健在，也總是帶著花去掃墓，所以我爸的墳墓總是像是在花展一樣」

I always took flowers and my mum visited a lot and she always took flowers and my grandparents were still alive then and they always took flowers. My dad’s grave frequently resembled a solid third place at the Chelsea Flower Show.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「這很不錯，但我對埋在我爸旁邊的那個傢伙有點抱歉。他的墳前從來都沒有出現過任何一束花。他是在37歲的聖誕節那天過世的。從來沒有人替他獻花，然後現在隔壁突然時不時出現一間快閃花店。所以我也開始送花給他，我開始買花給一個我從來都沒見過面的死人」

Nice but I felt bad for the guy buried next to my dad. He NEVER had flowers. Died on Christmas Day aged 37, no one left him flowers and now there’s a pop-up florist in the grave next door. So I started buying him flowers. I STARTED BUYING FLOWERS FOR A DECEASED MAN I’D NEVER MET.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「我這麼做好一陣子了，但我從來沒有跟任何人提過這件事，這是我對我自己開的一個小玩笑，我只是多買一束花，就能讓世界更美好一點，我知道這聽起還很奇怪，但我有點把他當成朋友了」

I did this for quite some time, but I never mentioned it to anyone. It was a little private joke with myself, I was making the world a better place one bunch of flowers at a time. I know it sounds weird but I came to think of him as a friend.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「我開始會想我們之間是不是有什麼看不見的關聯，有什麼東西讓我被吸引，也許我們曾經上過同一間學校，在同一個足球場上踢過球，或是什麼類似的事情。所以我google了他的名字，10秒鐘後我就找到他了」

I wondered if there was a hidden connection between us, something secretly drawing me to him. Maybe we went to the same school, played for the same football club or whatever. So I googled his name, and ten seconds later I found him.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「他的老婆從來沒給他獻過花是因為他殺了她，在聖誕節那一天。他殺了她太太之後還殺死了她的雙親，然後在聖誕夜，他跳下了當地唯一一條火車鐵軌。」

His wife didn’t leave him flowers BECAUSE HE’D MURDERED HER. ON CHRISTMAS DAY. After he murdered his wife, he murdered her parents too. And after that he jumped in front of the only train going through Balcombe tunnel that Christmas night.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「那就是為什麼從來沒有人給他獻花的原因，當然，除了我之外。我給他送花，我每隔幾個禮拜就給他送花，整整兩年半，每隔幾個禮拜就給他送花。」

THAT was why no one ever left him flowers. No one except me, of course. I left him flowers. I left him flowers every couple of weeks. Every couple of weeks FOR TWO AND A HALF YEARS.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「我對他的太太和她的雙親感到非常抱歉，現在，兩年半之後，我不會再每隔幾個禮拜就給他送花了。但我還是覺得我欠他們一個道歉」

I felt terrible for his wife and her parents. Now, I wasn’t going to leave them flowers every couple of weeks for two and a half years but I did feel like I owed them some sort of apology.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「我找到他們葬在哪裡後，買了花開車過去，就在我站在他們的墳前時，一個女人出現在我身後，她想知道我是誰，為什麼我給她的阿姨跟祖父母獻花。有夠尷尬的」

I found out where they were buried, bought flowers and drove to the cemetery. As I was standing at their graves mumbling apologies, a woman appeared behind me. She wanted to know who I was and why I was leaving flowers for her aunt and grandparents. AWKWARD.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「我對她解釋了這一切，她說OK是有點奇怪不過挺善良的。我說謝謝，對啊有點奇怪然後老天啊我問她要不要跟我去喝杯飲料，令人難以置信地，她說了YES，兩年後當我向她求婚時，她再次說了YES，因為這就是我怎麼跟我老婆相遇的

結束」

I explained and she said ok that’s weird but quite sweet. I said thanks, yes it is a bit weird and oh god I ASKED HER OUT FOR A DRINK. Incredibly, she said yes. Two years later she said yes again when I asked her to marry me because that is how I met my wife.

[END]
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

二

「我們有兩個孩子，去年，他們說想去迪士尼樂園，我們存了些錢預約了一趟旅行，但是比起跟他們說『好喔，你們想去迪士尼樂園我們就去吧』。我們決定要讓他們自己來爭取，我跟他們說他們必須賺到3000英鎊(約12萬台幣)才行」

TWO

We had two children and last year they said they wanted to go to Disneyland. We saved up and booked it but rather than say sure you want to go to Disneyland let’s go to Disneyland, we decided to make them earn it. I told them they needed to raise £3,000.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「每次如果他們做了什麼好事，我就出10英鎊，如果他們調皮搗蛋，我就收走10英鎊。只要湊足3000英鎊我們就馬上去迪士尼樂園。所以如果他們一天可以做10件好事然後都不調皮，一個月後就可以去迪士尼樂園了，很容易吧」

Every time they did something good, I’d add £10. Every time they were naughty, I’d take £10 away. £3,000 and we’d go to Disneyland IMMEDIATELY so if they did ten good things a day without being naughty they could go in a month. Easy.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「突然間他們變成超乖的孩子，我下班回家後他們會問你今天過得如何，我們可以幫你拿外套嗎？我會說你們真好噢等等我懂了要記得加上10英鎊對吧，然後他們會說只有10英鎊嗎我們說了哈囉幫你拿了外套－好啦好啦加上60英鎊就是了」

Suddenly they were PERFECT children. I’d get home from work and they’d be all how was your day, can we take your coat? I’d say this is nice oh right wait I get it, sure add ten pounds and they’d say ten pounds is that all - we said hi, took your coat - SURE OK ADD SIXTY POUNDS.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「就在我們要出門旅行的前一天，他們差不多已經累積2950鎊了，我們在公園裡玩飛盤，結果它掉到一個流浪漢身邊，我們過去打聲招呼，得知他叫作約翰，曾是個藝術家，而且他很會模仿Kermit青蛙的表情」

The day before we were due to go, they were on £2,950. We were playing frisbee in the park and it landed next to a homeless guy. We went over and said hello. His name was John and he was an artist and he did a VERY AMUSING Kermit The Frog impression.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「回家路上，顯然我的孩子們從來不知道什麼是流浪漢，他們想知道他怎麼會有那麼多東西，我說他住在那裡，他們問那他的房子呢？他在哪裡洗澡？他的工作是什麼？」

Walking home it became clear my children had never seen a homeless person before. They wanted to know why he had so much stuff. I said he was living there and they said but what about his house and where does he wash and WHAT ABOUT HIS JOB?
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「我試著對他們解釋流浪的意思，他們說如果他沒有錢，我應該給他一些錢。老天爺，我說錢又不是長在樹上，而且＂我們＂的錢都用來準備去迪士尼樂園了，你可以猜到接下來故事會怎麼發展」

I tried to explain homelessness and they were like if he doesn’t have any money, you should just give him some. CHRIST. I said money doesn’t grow on trees and all the spare cash *we* have is taking us Disneyland. YOU CAN SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「我們回家後，他們說有事情要宣布，弄得好像要開場記者會一樣，他們現在不想把那2950鎊花在迪士尼樂園上了，他們想要用這筆錢讓那個人有地方住，我操，孩子們，我們明天白天就要出門了耶」

We got home and they said they had an announcement to make like they were calling a press conference. They didn’t want to spend that £2,950 on Disneyland, they wanted it to pay for that guy to have somewhere to live. FUCKING HELL KIDS WE’RE GOING IN THE MORNING.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「我只好說OK你們聽好，這很複雜，我們甚至不認識他，而且雖然老實說這舉動非常溫馨我很以你們為傲，但你們快給我去睡覺我們明天一大早要出門，但他們非常堅持」

I was like ok look it’s a really complicated issue and we don’t even know him and honestly it’s lovely I’m so proud of you but SERIOUSLY GO TO BED we’ve got an early start. But they were adamant.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「我只好回去告訴他這整個故事，然後說那個我現在也不可能取消迪士尼樂園之旅我也沒辦法變出3000鎊給你但我們可以讓你住在青年旅館裡一段時間，他哭了，告訴我不用這麼做，我也哭了，然後說真的我不做的話他們永遠不會原諒我」

I went back and told him the story and said look I can’t cancel Disneyland and I don’t have another three grand lying around but we can pay for you to stay in a hostel for a bit. He cried and said no, I cried and said SERIOUSLY THEY’LL NEVER FORGIVE ME.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「他說好，謝謝，然後我載他到一間青年旅館，替他訂了房間，我們之後一直保持連絡，在聖誕節的時候他有過來拜訪，老天保佑他，他帶來了一對米奇與米妮娃娃。太溫馨了，聖誕節快樂

」

He said ok thank you and I drove him to a hostel and booked him in. We stayed in touch and he came round for Christmas Day. Bless him he brought a cuddly Mickey and Minnie Mouse with him. Lovely - MERRY CHRISTMAS.

[END]
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

三.

「我隔壁住著一對情侶，名叫Lucy與Tim，他們都是好人，但兩人很不一樣，Tim是群居動物那種會說滾過來跟我喝杯香檳的類型，而Lucy就比較保守一點了」

THREE

I lived next door to a couple called Lucy and Tim. They were both lovely but very different to one another. He was a gregarious GET IN HERE AND DRINK CHAMPAGNE WITH ME type, she was far more reserved.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「兩年前，完全沒有預警地，Tim過世了，我帶了束花跟卡片然後說抱歉我也不想打擾你但我希望你知道如果你需要什麼我們就在這裡，我給了她我的電話號碼，沒有派上用場過」

Two years ago, completely out of the blue, Tim died. I wend round with some flowers and a card and said look I don’t want to intrude, I just want you to know that we’re here if you need us. I gave her my number. She didn’t use it.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「至少前面18個月沒有，去年聖誕節，我們邀請了一大堆人來一起吃晚餐，那時才剛剛黃昏，每個人都有點喝醉了，然後電話響了，是Lucy，她說我自殺了。靠腰」

Not for the first 18 months anyway. Last Christmas we had a million people round for dinner and it was early evening and everyone was a bit drunk. The phone rang - Lucy. She said Matt I’ve tried to kill myself. FUCK.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「我說好喔我現在過去，你能讓我進去嗎？她說不，我已經吞了藥，我現在動不了了，不過廚房的門是開著的，我讓其他人打電話叫救護車，然後走出門爬過圍牆，在聖誕節的夜晚，穿著Ｔ恤跟短褲」

I said ok I’m coming over, can you let me in? She said no I’ve taken pills I can’t move but the kitchen door is open. I got someone to call an ambulance and went outside to climb over the fence. In my shorts and t-shirt. On Christmas night.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「我冷斃了，而且外面還開始下雨，我爬過圍牆，滑了一下，身上都是泥土還擦破了腳，不過總之呢，我走進廚房，她坐在扶手椅上，表情一片空白，問我說Matt我會死嗎？」

It was freezing and starting to rain but anyway. I climbed over the fence, slipped, got covered in mud, grazed my legs BUT ANYWAY. I went to the kitchen door and let myself in. She was sitting in an armchair with a vacant expression and said Matt am I going to die?
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「我說老實說我不知道，不過你到底做了什麼？她說吞了藥，藥丸跟琴酒。我說好，多少藥丸？她說4個，我的老天爺，我整個：4個！就這樣（我是說，我的衣服都一團糟了）？！，然後我問多少琴酒？她說兩瓶大的。你在跟我開玩笑對吧？」

I said I have no idea tbh what exactly have you done? Pills she said. PILLS AND GIN. I said ok how many pills? Honest to god she said four. I went FOUR IS THAT ALL?! (I mean my clothes were a mess!!) How many gins? She said two large ones. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「她說我不會死，是不是？我說你這笨蛋，你明天可能連宿醉都不會，此時有人敲門－急救員到了，他問我她吞了多少藥，她看了看我，揚眉說12個，謊言。」

She said I’m not going to die, am I? I said YOU PROBABLY WON’T EVEN HAVE A HANGOVER YOU CLOWN. There was a knock at the door - the paramedic. He asks how many pills she’s had. She looks at me, arches a brow and says twelve pills. A LIE.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「急救員接著問多少琴酒？然後Lucy再次先看我，揚眉，接著吐出謊話。12瓶，她說，我的老天爺。」

The paramedic asks how many gins and again Lucy looks at me first, arches a brow and LIES THROUGH HER TEETH. Twelve gins, she says. Christ.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日

「急救員發現有哪裡不對勁後，Lucy還是說實話了。我們都同意Lucy會活下來的，急救員說她最好跟我待在一起，所以我把她帶到我家，把她介紹給所有人」

The paramedic caught on and Lucy confessed. It was agreed she would probably survive four ibuprofen and a couple of gins and the paramedic said she could come with me. I took her to my house and introduced her to everyone.
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019(e)ko ekainaren 9(a)

「所有人，包含上面提過的那個無家可歸的朋友約翰，你記得吧？他們一拍即合然後我們長話短說，他們訂婚了。明年他們會在這整個故事一開始發生的那個村莊結婚。噢噢噢噢噢噢噢噢

全劇終」

Everyone including John, our homeless friend from Part Two, remember? They got along famously and to cut a long story short THEY JUST GOT ENGAGED. Next year they’ll get married in the exact same village in which this story began. AWWWWWWWW.

[END]
— sixthformpoet (@sixthformpoet) 2019年6月9日